What about you, Mommy?

“What about you, Mommy? Do you feel like that? “

“That” and this question were inspired by watching, “The Shift,” Wayne Dyer’s film about waking up to life. The film has been released by the family to honor Dr. Dyer’s life.

It chronicles the lives of several people in the midst of transitions, amongst whom is a mom of small children. She has happily given all of herself to her family; as a result, her individual sense of self has been consumed by the roles of “wife” and “mother.”  Viewers watch her rekindle her love of drawing, something she cherished as a younger woman.

I had seen the film before, and although Kai is only eight and a half, he has always been very intuitive and had an emotional depth beyond his years. So, I figured my little yoda could handle it; he teaches me things every day.

After watching that segment, he turned to me and said, “What about you, Mommy? Do you feel like that? “

Wow. I was so struck by his empathy, compassion, and understanding! I felt my child look at me.

Me.

Not “Mom.” Or, “Wife.” Or “Professor.” Or any of the other labels that could apply.

I thanked him for asking and told him I would have to say I am ambivalent, that while Daddy is great about encouraging me to take time for myself, I also still struggle to make and take that time for me and that after years of making sure everyone else’s needs have been met, I am sometimes at a loss for what would inspire my soul.

But, I am working on figuring it out again. ❤

(If you want to watch The Shift for free click here:   The Shift

Living Into My Life…Join me!

I don’t think there is anything particularly magical about the New Year. It is certainly not the one and only day to start something new; we can do that any day. But, I do think it is an easy reference point to consider where we’ve been and where we hope to go. And, I do know unequivocally that when I take the time to be mindful of my intentions, I am much more successful in my endeavors.

I have been very successful in the past by setting goals/intentions in different areas of my life—mind, body, spirit, but this year, I knew I wanted some kind of a daily measuring stick to hold myself to, but I also wanted something that would be fail-proof and positive, not so over the top that I would feel doomed to fail the first time that I made a mis-step. The perfectionist in me can be quite brutal.

I read an article about choosing a word to meditate on for the year, and while I liked elements of that approach, it wasn’t right for me.

And, then it hit me. I am often so overwhelmed by taking care of the daily requirements and unplanned “fires” of my daily life, that I use up my time and energy on the musts and have nothing left for the wants that feed my soul.

And, the balance has been out-of-whack for so long that I want/need to make changes in so many areas of my life, but to turn those into musts would be equally counterproductive.

So, yesterday, it hit me. I simply need to spend a bit of each day LIVING INTO MY LIFE (kind of like dressing for the job you want rather than the one you have). I certainly can commit to five minutes a day of doing something that feeds my soul and moves me forward into the life that I want for myself and my family.

I also know that I will likely spend more than five minutes each day, but most importantly, there is no way I can logically justify not taking five minutes for myself!

Although it has taken me til January 3rd to get my ideas together, I have been consciously living into my life.

Here is what I mean:

On Jan 1st—I met a friend at a favorite beach, walked and talked, fulfilling my intention to connect intimately with close friends and use my body powerfully. We invited friends over for dinner and play—fulfilling my intention to connect, socialize and laugh more.

On Jan 2nd—I worked on financials, fulfilling my intention to have clarity in various areas of our financial life. We took a sunset gheenoe trip, fulfilling my intention for spending time in nature and for spontaneity and adventure. I went out for drinks/dancing with friends, fulfilling my intention for more socialization, laughter, and authentic exercise.

I have more time on my hands right now because I am on vacation, but I believe that this mindset will help me continue to make positive steps as I get back into the regular rhythm of my life. For example, even though I struggle with the financial organization, shifting my perspective helped; rather than a task I had to do, the task became something I could feel good about because it was clearing a path forward.

I believe that a community of support and accountability can be very helpful in shifting attitudes and changing patterns, so I’ve created a Facebook group. If you are ready to say, “Yes! I am LIVING INTO MY LIFE!” click on the link, join the group, and let’s create this together.  And, if you have friends you know would benefit from the group, feel free to invite them to participate.

Let’s support each other in creating the best life we can imagine for ourselves!  2015 is going to be the best year yet!

Framing

A friend asked me tonight how I was doing, especially considering the first holidays without my mom.  She knew that our birthdays—mom’s in mid-September and mine in October—had been especially hard.

The closer it got to her birthday, then mine, the harder it got.  I was stuck in those feelings of darkness for longer than I wanted to be.

On Thanksgiving, embracing the spirit of the holiday, I was determined to be thankful.

My sister-in-law had volunteered to cook the Thanksgiving meal this year, and that was such a gift, in ways I am only now coming to understand.  Rather than scurrying to cook, we sat by the fire, read the paper, and watched Polar Express.  We never even turned on the Macy’s Parade.

I thought of my mom plenty, but breaking with tradition helped me focus on what I have in my life.  I allowed myself to let go of my ideas of what the day was supposed to look like and just enjoyed it for what it was.

Don’t get me wrong; I missed my mom.  But rather than being overcome by the feelings, this time, I was able to feel them and let them go.  I let myself really cry, and then made the conscious decision to shift my focus from missing her to being grateful for the love I have in my life, which, of course, is built on the foundation of love that she laid.

That felt like a good way to honor her love.

It reminds me what Karl says to Kai when a great time with friends is coming to a close and he begins to get upset about having to leave/end the play date.

“You have a choice to make, buddy. You can be happy for the time you got, or sad that it is over.”

Seems like that is a choice me make over and over in many different ways–two sides of the same coin.  Which do we choose to see?