Naked. That’s how I’m feeling about this whole blog thing. A bit over-exposed.
I’m determined to give this a go because I know that journaling will help me. And, this makes me accountable.
But, it is also stream of consciousness. I am used to drafting and re-drafting, working on a piece until it is a well-wrapped package with a clear purpose. But, this is different. My goal is simply to write and see where it takes me.
Today, I found lots of things my mom kept from when I was little. There was a whole stack of drawings and schoolwork she had kept from when I was in kindergarten. It’s funny to look at what I produced at roughly the same age as my son is now.
I also found the “Golden Egg.” Again! It is from the Progressive School’s 1972 Easter Egg hunt. Inside the plastic egg, a taped note lists my name, date, and event. It made me laugh, and I pulled it aside to share with Kai because I had told him the story just this year.
There was an egg hunt at school, and the person who found the golden egg got a special prize. The Progressive School was located in an old estate home in downtown West Palm Beach, near the Norton Museum of Art. The grounds were beautifully landscaped, and there were lots of places to hide eggs.
I remember scampering all around the yard, moving quickly and purposefully through the shrubbery. And, then I spotted it–a large urn on the front porch. It was tall and had a narrow opening. And, it was too large and heavy to pick up and dump out. I knew immediately that it was the perfect hiding place, but I did not want to stick my hand in there.
I knew I had to act quickly. Other kids started to come near. As one of the boys came running up the steps, I had to choose. I remember holding my breath and plunging my hand into the darkness. When my fingers closed around that golden egg, I felt so proud of myself.
A simple feat, for sure. And, some would say random luck. But, I would disagree, at least in part.
I remember learning two distinct lessons that day:
- Trust your instincts, and
- If you want the prize, you have to push past the fear.
And, there it is. That is what this time of transition is all about–trusting my instincts and pushing past the fear. And this blog is part of that because as I “get naked,” I must examine my choices in light of larger goals, not just act out of habit and the comfort of the status quo.